Looking for a little seasonal sanctity this evening? Then don't go anywhere near Cafe Cleopatra on the Main. There you'll find another kind of sock some associate with the season: the satirical Dead Dolls Commercial Chri$tma$ Cabaret.

Yes, from that frolic-filled Travesty Theatre gang come dancing girls with antlers, naked reindeer, cream pies, candy canes, Bad Santa, the Agnostic International Family Choir, the musical stylings of Amanda Schenstead and the comedic stylings of DeAnne Smith. And as an added enticement, audience members are encouraged to toss snowballs at the performers.

Smith, also the host of the spectacle, has an excellent idea of what she's getting herself into: "After having seen the rehearsal for the Chri$tma$ Cabaret earlier this week, I'm booking my ticket to hell in advance."

Any other special requests? "Yes," replies Smith, a transplanted New Yorker who's become a regular on the local comedy circuit. "If I'm going to hell, I want a window seat at least."

"Better book us all window seats," coos the lovely and talented Velma Candyass, lead hoofer with the Dead Dolls Dancers.

That's right. No Barbie dolls here - only Dead Dolls. OK, so the show is a tad sacrilegious.

"More naughty than nice," Candyass opines. "The show flies in the face of most holiday traditions, but it does so in a real fun way, taking shots at the conventions of the holiday season.

"We're just so tired of how crass the season can be and how everyone is expected to be so happy.

"It's just our way to make a statement about the creeping commercialism of Christmas, and an opportunity to give our fans - such as they are - an opportunity to go to a club where the drinks are among the cheapest in town. Really, does that make me a heretic or a grinch?"

Well, perhaps in the eyes of some, particularly with the inclusion of a puppet show featuring the Bad Santa and a few of his reindeer in compromising positions. And what did Santa ever do to Candyass, anyway?

"Nothing at all," she retorts. "And I never did him, either!"

Evidently, Schenstead, who last lived in beautiful Brandon, Man., is not completely aware of what she is getting herself into here. She is comfortable playing mandolin, keyboards and even spoons, plus composing pieces to complement the theatrics of the evening. But she is a little more concerned that she has been asked to dress up like a "granny whore" for the occasion.

"It's art, damn it," Candyass states. "And look on the bright side: There will be no preaching or gift-giving whatsoever."

The Dead Dolls Commercial Chri$tma$ Cabaret takes place tonight at 9 p.m. at Cafe Cleopatra, 1230 St. Laurent Blvd., 2nd floor. Tickets: $7. (514) 915-0674.

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Congrats to Ryk Edelstein, winner of the first Montreal Amateur Oyster Shuckathon, held Monday at Claddagh Pub.

Edelstein, a data communications dude by day, shelled six mollusks in an impressive 42 seconds. Second place went to Misha Franta (56 seconds), while Greg Sams (59 seconds) came third.

Not to denigrate Edelstein's feat, but competition judge John Bil, the two-time North American champ who shucks at Joe Beef, cracked open six bivalves in a blistering 18 seconds.

Bil goes for gold at the Shucking Olympics in Seattle in March.

bbrownst@thegazette.canwest.com